For Couples: How to Put the Sex Back in Your Sex Life

At some point in your relationship, you’re bound to hit a dry spell or a sexual rut. This usually happens years down the line. And sometimes, it’s nothing more than a bump in the road, but if it goes on for too long, it can become a problem in the relationship.

It happens when one of you or both of you become complacent. The thing is, there is a fine line between being comfortable and complacency. Every relationship is different. Each person has different sexual needs. But as a couple, you need to come together (no pun intended) and talk about these things and address them. 

Sex can play a vital role in the health of your relationship, so tackle it like any other aspect—be open, honest, and vocal about your needs and wants. 

Here are a few tips on how to bring the magic back into your bed (or wherever else) with your partner.

Tease Each Other

There are plenty of other ways to excite each other than just sex. If your relationship is going through a sexual rut, chances are neither of you is ready to jump right into sex right away. You don’t just jump into a cold pool of water. That’s a lousy time waiting to happen. You have to ease into it.

When it comes to sex, it’s better when there’s buildup. Think about the past and all the little things you know that turn them on. The first and simplest thing you can do is flirt with them. Put on that outfit they like, show a little skin, give them some light touches in places where you know they’re sensitive. That alone can be enough to build the tension you need to dive into that cold pool of water.

At this stage, you don’t have to do anything overtly sexual, just the promise of it.

Masturbate Together

Masturbating, even when you’re in a relationship, is often a solo activity. It’s intimate and personal and likely something you’re used to doing alone. However, sharing this time with your partner can be a gratifying experience for both of you.

Mutual masturbation is basically the same as masturbating alone, except it’s more exciting and presents new opportunities. In doing this, you can either watch each other, help each other, or even use toys. There are no bounds (unless you’re into that). 

Communicate with each other

Communication is sexy. Like any other part of your relationship, you need to talk about what’s on your mind to progress. One of the biggest mistakes that can lead to a sexual rut is expecting one another to read each other’s minds. 

You can satisfy each other if you don’t know what they want. Share what you’re thinking, your fantasies, turn-ons, what you like about each other. This not only informs you of what they want, but it also brings you two closer together.

Discussing your fantasies and kinks also addresses the need for consent before trying something new with your partner. Take this time to discuss limits and comfort zones so that when it is time to get intimate, it’s clear to both of you how to satisfy each other in every way possible.

The Bottom Line

Sometimes, the best way to rekindle the sexual spark in your relationship is through everything but sex. Often, sex is not just about sex, and the things that your partner needs in the bedroom have something to do with who they are. Exploring sex outside of penetration allows you and your partner to rediscover parts of yourself and get to know each other on a deeper level. 

Sex is not the end-all, be-all of a relationship, but it does play a massive part in your dynamic and overall satisfaction. If you and your partner find yourselves in a sexual rut and are at a loss with what to do, try couples therapy to learn how to reconnect and get back on track with your partner. Visit one of our locations in New York, Los Angeles, and Miami today to get started.